1) SCOTTISH WEDDING

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living?"
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

2) SEX

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

3) Poor Lance Armstrong –

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs.  When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike! 

 
4) Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week.  He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.

Sick Bastard!!


5) SCAM

Just got scammed out of $25.
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's about golf. 
Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.
 
Best Regards,
Charlie Sheen 


6)  So True

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself.

The Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed. 

7) Pregnant Prostitute

Doctor asks the pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?"
"For god sake,   if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"


Note :  Jokes not for  underage persons ...